I am not sure if any of you can help but I thought i would ask, becasue we are alll family here. My oldest son Nick was in a serious car accident Wednesday night and He got a very bad gash across the left side of his forehead and partiallly down his check. (He also recieved a broken cheek bone). The gash was very severe (wide and deep). They called a plastic surgeron in to stitch him up and it took over 3 hours. He also cut the nerves above his eyebrow so they think his eyebrow and lid may droop on that side. Nick is wearing braces right now, which also damaged his lips. He has never been one to have real high self esteem (with his looks) and he has been waiting for his braces to come off so he can look "hot"; now I am afraid that any self esteem he may have had is gone. He is very upset about having a scar across his face. We have told him that the plastic surgon has done a great job and that everything will work out fine but he is really kind of depressed right now. A girl came over yesterday to visit him (just a friend from his high school) and when she walked in i saw him cringe and trun away. I heard him tell her that his face is f****d up. He told her he was in an accident and the whole time he would not reallly look at her. I just do not know anymore what to say to him to convince him that it will all be ok, If anyone could please help, i would appreciate it. Thanks, DEE
Post by Susanelizabeth28 on Oct 1, 2004 8:25:14 GMT -5
I'm really sorry to hear about Nick's accident. Thank God it wasn't worse. In that I mean that he is lucky he is in the state of mind to be upset about his appearance. I know that something like what he is dealing with is very traumatic, especially for a person ready to look cool. Right now it might be hard for him to think beyond the stitches, but try to let him know that his appearance now is the process of healing. Maybe if you remind him that the stiches were put there to help him heal and any swelling is his body helping that process. Maybe if you get him involved in his recovery by searching out the best things to do to get as healthy as possible he would feel like he was helping to beat this situation and put it behind him. The more "skin healthy" foods he eats the more his body will respond to the healing. I will keep good thoughts and prayers for you and Nick! Please keep us posted! If you need to talk or vent let us know! Susan
Thanks everyone, Susan that is a very good idea. Maybe if he can concentrate on how to keep the scarring to a minumum than he would feel better about the whole healing process. He is at a party right now with a lot of the kids were we in the accident with him, and hopefully they will convince him that how he looks right now is to be expected. God, I do not know how the cca families do it. People stare at him so rudely it makes me sick. Also I had to try and deal with a doctors office today just to make an appointment to have the stitches removed. By the time I got done with the speiclist;s office and referrals I was in tears! I give them so much credit for doing this all the time. we have told Nick and the others (there were three total who were hurt) that they are all very lucky to be alive! The car was totaled and no one was critical care hurt. Thanks for the prayers, it is just going to be a long steady road. DEE
Oh Dee I am so so sorry to hear about Nick!! I will add to everyone's sentiments and say that I am glad it was not worse and that he's alive and healing. I think Susan's idea is a great one and I think it's also good that he went to the party with the other kids from the accident. I can only imagine how rough going it is for you and him and your family right now - hopefully as the stiches get removed and the wound continues to heal it will get easier.
You all are most definitely in my thoughts and prayers! And def. keep us posted as to how Nick is doing...and you too.
Dee, I'm so sorry to hear about Nick, but very glad to hear that he is OK.
I've had first-hand experience with car accident injuries. When I was 20, I was in a very serious car accident that broke the bones around my left eye, shattered my left cheekbone, broke bones in both my upper and lower front jawbones, loosened all of my teeth, and totally knocked out one in the front my mouth. I can totally relate to his reaction about how he looks, the left side of my face looked like it had been through a mixmaster that first night. I had 4 1/2 hours of oral and plastic surgery around my eyes, inside my cheek to repair the shattered bones, and on my teeth/mouth. My jawbones and teeth were supported by metal wires all over my mouth for about four months afterwards.
It is very difficult when you're that young not to be concerned about looks and being accepted while coping with the bruises, scarring, stitches, and, in my case, missing and loose teeth, but fortunately, my family and friends (and some people I didn't know even cared) were incredibly supportive. It was very upsetting to me to have all of that surgery on my face, it's one of the few parts of the body you can't really hide, and I was expecting to look like Frankenstein's bride the rest of my life. There is definitely a lot of swelling and bruising, especially in the period right after surgery, which WILL fade with time (and probably not as much time as he thinks - younger bodies heal much faster). Kids that age can be cruel without thinking, which doesn't lessen the impact or make it hurt any less, but my reaction to anyone who asked about my face was always the same. I told them that I was in a car accident, how badly I was hurt, and how glad I was to still be alive; in thinking back on the day of the accident, I realized how very lucky I was to hae survived. My injuries could have been far, far worse, or even fatal; if people persisted, I just told them I was in the wrong place at the wrong time that day - which is exactly the truth! My best friend was in the car with me, too, that day. She walked away uninjured.
Be supportive - I know you will be. His true friends will be, too. With the help of an excellent plastic surgeon (who I got by chance through the ER) and excellent dentists, the scars have healed and faded, my entire head healed. And Dee, believe this - NO ONE believes me today when I tell them what happened - they look for evidence of massive surgery and can't find it.
I'm sorry if this is too long, but I know exactly what he's going through - and I know exactly the angst and grief you and your family are experiencing, too.
I hope this helps you and especially Nick. Please keep us posted on his progress!
Deb, Thanks so much! I had to wake Nick up for his doctor;s appointment today and i let him read your post. He told me thanks that that helped and he is starting to face his situation with a more postiive attitude. Your letter really hit home for us, because it is almost exactly what he went through! even the same side of his face! Well, just wanted to say thanks, and say some prayers for us today because he gets the stitches out today. Take "Cher" DEE
I'm so glad it helped. Getting stitches out is a big step, and he'll feel physically better when they're gone (the bigger thing for me was getting all that metal out of my mouth four months later - I could eat real food again!). There will probably be a bunch of ups and downs, days where he won't think or care about it, and days where it will be the end of the world. I don't know where it came from with me, but I just always had a good attitude about healing; it doesn't mean every day was great, but overall, the attitude and looking forward really helped.
I'm here for both of you if you need to vent, talk, whatever. Give Nick a hug for me - and here's one for you, too, Dee!
Well they decieded not to remove Nick's stitches today, they opted to wait until Wednesday. I know Nick was happy for that in some ways, cause he was really scared about it. Wednesday we will also discuss what we want to do about the broken cheek bone. The doctor said that it does not appear to be to big a fracture so we can go in (as an outpatient) and fix it (unfortunately this would require more stitches) or just let it be. I bet I know which Nick is leaning toward. He just read this and said that he would do it if they put him to sleep and if it is going to continue to hurt the way it does now. I told him they are both good questions and he would have to think about the decision and talk with the doc. Anyway, thanks everyone for letting me ramble on but it does help! DEE
Hello DEE-I think I met u at a show, maybe with Jan, and I am new on the Cher Connection, and this is the first time I looked at the just talk area. I wanted to just say hello and to wish your son the best with all that he has gone through from his accident. Thank God he is still with us and it sounds like he has a good specialist for his face. I would agree that being so young is going to be a plus for his healing. There is alot more out there now that can be done to reduce the scars and alot of even over the counter(NEW) products to put on even old scars. I have used one on a small scar on my daughters face from an old fall on the farhead where she had stitches and it seems to be fading it. Keep us posted and prayers are your way.
Would Love to go but have to see if I can afford it. This Grand rapids concert is starting to add up! Would love to come, perhaps I could give Nick and myself and early christmas present and fly out. Would love to meet you trudy. Hope it all works out. And thanks to everyone who has responded and helped me out here. DEE